What a journey...

My computer crashed once again.  I haven't been able to blog and I have so much to catch up with. 

Here are the highlights from the past month:

1. Jeff and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary on February 28th.  We celebrated by getting massages, spending a night at The Grand America in SLC, eating at The Roof and the famous Grand America Brunch. I love him more now than ever before.

2. I remain sugar and gluten free! This has been by far the most challenging thing EVER, but 

I DID IT! After my 30 days was complete on March 7th, I decided my journey wasn't over with my new found eating lifestyle. My addiction to sugar and bread was truly ridiculous. I am happy to report my success of not only eliminating 75% of the candida in my body, loosing a total of 35 pounds since July of last year, but I feel so much better physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

3. Kaebrie was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and sensory processing disorder.  She started therapy for her anxiety and will start her OT for SPD on April 1st. I am wondering who the therapy is for, me or her? I hope and pray that she will come out of this better and continue to be at peace with herself and the world around her.  Baby steps. She had her first recital on March 7th of the ballet Alice in Wonderland with Creative Arts Academy. She did really well. Cant wait to post pictures.

4. Owen and Kaebrie start soccer next week.  We are eagerly awaiting this.  It will be a blast! Owen is going to start piano lessons soon too. He has been begging to play an instrument since we attended my niece, Kayla's, band concert. 

Over the last month I have really struggled with EVERYTHING. I came to realize very quickly that my issue is this: I fear everything. I fear what people think about me, I fear that things won't work out no matter what given situation, I fear that my children will not turn out as I hope, and I fear that I will not make the right decisions, ultimately I fear failure.  The tricky part of fear is that the adversary has complete control over you from the second you fear something. So now, I am constantly trying to have faith in all things. It.is.difficult.

I must be going through what some consider a mid life crisis. I need to really focus on every positive thing I do everyday.  I must have faith that because I am living righteously I will be blessed and I have always been blessed. The positive does outweigh the negative and always will! It doesn't matter what anyone says about me. I don't care. The only person I care what they think is my Heavenly Father. If I am living to the best of my ability and live a Christ centered life than everything will fall where it should.  Just gotta have faith!

Happy Heart Day!

 

Valentine's Day was a lot of fun this year.  The kids were super excited about their books that Jeff and I got them.  Owen got a Cars sticker book and a Where's Waldo book, and Kaebrie got Elmeraldalicious and Silverlicious books.

 

We started the day off with heart french toast.

Owen had his Kindergarten Valentine Party at school. Kaebrie and I went to help and had so much fun!  Kaebrie thought she was so big being around all the older kids.  She was hilarious!

 We had exactly enough fun raiser chocolate bars left, from Owen's fundraiser that he couldn't sell, to complete his 13 Valentine's treats.  Now that is resourceful...

 They played some really fun games such as: blow a Qtip through a straw to see who could shoot it the farthest, they made a cute picture and put it into a balloon to give to someone special, they colored pictures, made a valentine, passed out valentine's, read three stories, and ate a cupcake and oreos. What more could you ask for?  WOW!!!

We had lots of visitors come to our house.  Kaebrie's darling primary teacher came to give her the cutest sack full of goodies, Gma Camille came to visit, Sophie from next door came and left a valentine for us, and a special delivery came for Kaebrie and I.  Jeff and Owen sent Kaebrie and I red roses.  They are beautiful and we LOVED it!

I had my cake decorating class on Wednesday evening and made this cake.  The kids thought it was so special.  I was late to the class so I had to cut my decorating short. 

Pretty good for my first I guess!



We drove up to Perry yesterday to stop in and say "Hi" to my parents for Valentine's Day.  The kids had so much fun and it was so good to see my parents.  I miss family so much...

As for my current status of becoming candida-free, I have done really good, miserably good.  I am now on day eleven.  This is the first Valentine's day in my life that I haven't indulged on sweets ALL.DAY.LONG.  My sweet tooth was screaming for sugar all day but I held back and counted my blessings instead.  I made a nice dinner which consisted of fresh wild salmon, shrimp, garlic red potatoes, and asparagus.

I am grateful for my sweet valentine, Jeff.  He has put up with a lot and I am so grateful for his dedication to making me happy.

Happy. Heart. Day





Day three and four...

Yesterday was a mental struggle.  Jeff wanted to take Kaebrie and I out to lunch at our favorite Chinese restaurant.  Before we got there, I thought for sure I would be fine, joke was on me.  I wanted to order my usual of egg drop soup, cashew chicken, and steamed white rice.  But instead I ordered one large plate of steamed vegetables.  I did it!  I was tempted to throw the towel in but didn't! My fortune was very spot on considering my current adventure!  No, I didn't eat the cookie:(

 

Then, Jeff and I had date night.  We went to Market Street Grill in SLC.  Once again, I knew I would be fine.  They served up a large loaf of bread before our meal came out and I sat and watched Jeff savor it.  I know what that stupid bread tastes like, I don't need it!  Then our meal came with a cupcake for dessert.  I sat and had a mental picture of me eating it and then me having a complete mental breakdown because I knew I would have to start all over on this.  I think the worst days are over with.  Today, day four, has been perfect.  My cravings are near gone.  I am still running low on energy and feeling a little lightheaded.  Overall, I feel much better than I did last Friday when I was contemplating a trip to the ER.  Dinner is in the crock pot so no more temptations today!

Kaebrie ballet

 

Kaebrie had ballet pictures and practice this morning.  She did very good! These are such fun times...

Day Two, SUCCESS!

In an attempt to keep myself occupied, and keep my mind off of sugar and sweet breads, I decided to start going through all of my pictures so that I can put them into my blogs and print them with my yearly blog books. After all, this blog serves as my journal.  Here are some pictures that I loved seeing.  Jeff and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year.  Wow, we have done some really fun and amazing things.  He truly is my one and only!

 

 

After looking at all of these photos I started thinking about what exactly changing my hair has to do with ME?  For whatever reason it makes me feel like a new woman to add new colors and new lengths to my head.  It is my therapy! This last photo was taken in December 2011.  This is at my heaviest weight.  I felt so yuck on this cruise but remember overindulging on desserts at EVERY.SINGLE.MEAL

Blah!

Never again will I let myself get that unhealthy and unhappy.  While I sit and judge all those around me who chose to drink alcohol and smoke, I live in an addiction to sugar.  Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly?  Yes, I am an addict!  Life has a funny way of making you see the light.  Heavenly Father has led me through this massive river.  Full of stepping stones.  Sometimes I fall in and sometimes I drown a little but I always know that in order to get to the next stone I need to keep on climbing along until I reach the shore, eternal life.  Each stone has brought me to more and more happiness, challenges, financial hardship, deep sorrow, and love.  Although I have felt many times that I was in my darkest hour, I have been able to come back and repent and be made whole again.  I am so blessed to have the knowledge of the atonement.  I can't help but think about those who do not have the gospel.  Who do they turn to?  How do they lift their burdens?  How do they heal? 

*******

I just wanted to report that yesterday, day two, went good.  Wasn't as bad as day one but wasn't a walk in the park either.  I felt like I was walking on air all day.  No, really... It was the weirdest thing ever.  Overall, I have been doing really good on this new life path.  I will get to a candida free body so that I can deal with myself again. 

Here's to a great day three!

Day One...Beautiful Heartbreak!

So, day one was a success and I feel better today than yesterday. I heard this song at the "Time Out for Women" conference. Beautiful heartbreak. Yes, I feel as if my heart is broken from my struggles but it has been beautiful. Through this I will be a better person and find myself again. Things can always be worse.
I wanted to document my journey on this cleanse. Only because I want to be able to read this and reflect on what I went through to rid my body of this addiction in hopes that I will NEVER have to do this again. Day one was a struggle. Jeff got me cake decorating classes for Christmas. My first class was last night. The requirement for class was to bring six large sugar cookies to decorate. OK, so first of all, I absolutely LOVE sugar cookies and I LOVE eating icing.
The combo near sent me over the edge. The only way I made it through without partaking in this was to have a mental picture that the cookies and icing were cocaine. I know, way extreme! However, for me to conquer this I need to be strong and face my addictions head on. My cake decorating class went so good and I learned some fun new things. Next week we have to bring a cake to class to decorate. I am excited! Not so much that I can't eat it:(
Hope that today will be a little better than yesterday!

 

The Spit Test... Candida Cleanse...

Over the past month I have gone downhill physically and mentally.  When we were in Disneyland I experienced some pretty bad pains in my lower back and sides.  Not to mention my mood swings and my crappy depression.  When we got home my symptoms got worse and I felt that I needed to see someone who could help heal me naturally.  I have been on anti-depressants since my teens.  They are a band-aid for me.  They work to mask the underlying problem and don't help improve my life in any way, shape, or form.  My mom treated me to an Aura reading for an early birthday gift.  It did something for me that nobody has ever done before.  It truly made me reflect on who am I, why am I even here, and what steps need to be taken so I can live to my full potential.  After my reading, I went and got a Zyto scan.  This tells which minerals, vitamins, and issues your body is facing.  Once again, I was reflecting on the power of natural healing and how insanely right on they were with EVERYTHING I needed to heal.  My body is pre-menopausal. It is full of Candida (yeast overgrowth).  I am sick physically and mentally.  I NEEDED HELP!

The lady who gave me the Zyto scan, Paula, told me there were three positive things I need to say to myself daily:

1. I accept the important and positive lessons from past and present experiences.

2.I forgive myself for leaving ______.

3. I anticipate miracles as a natural part of my life.

AMAZING, right?!

So, I needed to find out how to take care of this candida crap.  After reading online it is a simple spit test.  First thing in the morning you spit into a clear glass of water and watch to see what happens.  I did just that and I was completely taken back by the disgusting results.  My saliva duplicated within seconds and filled that glass with the most horrifying stringy yuck I have ever seen.  And it came from my body.  GROSS!  I immediately had Jeff do it too.  I had to see someone else's results to believe what I just witnessed.  His saliva sat in a happy little circle at the top of the glass.  Didn't do anything! 

Paula told me to do a 30 day candida cleanse.  I went to knowthecause.com and researched what exactly I need to do.  YIKES!  I can't do this.  All of my happy foods that fill me with comfort cannot come into my body for 30 days?  Oh my...  So I sat with that knowledge for a week and half and did few things to change my diet.  I can't give up sugar and breads.  My body craves these things to the point where I feel like I will die without them.  I am not kidding...  Meanwhile,  I am still experiencing pains, fatigue, depression, anxiety, OCD, brain fog, irritability, and dizziness.  I almost went to the emergency room last Friday but thanks to an amazing husband, who holds the priesthood, I was able to make it through and get back on my feet and be led to an angel who helped me in ways I cannot even describe.

I felt the urgent need to call someone and get a foot zone.  This is an incredible thing that my body responded to very well.  I felt as if Christ were washing my feet clean and telling me what steps I need to take to be healed.  Truly this was such a spiritual experience filled with so much hope and faith.  I was then told I have an addiction to sugar.  Which is worse than an addiction to cocaine.  REALLY?  This was not the news I wanted to hear but the news I needed to hear.  Back to my positive daily sentence 3. I anticipate miracles as a natural part of my life.  I can do this.  I have to do this.  I am an addict to sugar and need this to clear away my mental and physical stress.  I also have a kidney and bladder infection.  Clearly, I need miracles and prayers.